Saturday we celebrated being 12 weeks along. Yesterday we had our NT scan to rule out any neural tube defects. Everything looked great on ultrasound. I had bloodwork done as well but the results for that, to rule out downs, won't be available for awhile. They do plan on calling me with the results which they said may be before my cerclage. The MFM's office was crazy busy yesterday. So much so that out of the two hours that I was there the majority of it was spent in the waiting room. I wasn't anticipating that and didn't bring a granola bar like I usually do to try to keep the nausea at bay. I was lightheaded and irritable after my consult with the nurse, so much so that I walked out of there without any new pictures of Cinco. The ultrasound tech that I had was new. It took her a very long time to get a good shot of the back of Cinco's neck. This is where the irritation started. My stomach strarted growling on the ultrasound table and having her push rather harshly on my hungry, empty belly with a side of full bladder almost earned her a kick in the back. She finally got the picture she needed and I was sent to the waiting room to wait for the MFM to view the scans. The full waiting room was obnoxious and I was ready to leave but we were all there to see the same man who just so happened to be out on an emergency delivery so ... I let it slide this time! :)
Time is really flying by. Carter is 20 months old today. Four more months until his second birthday! How is this possible? The second year is going by faster than the first year did. I would be lying if I told you I don't tear up thinking about my little boy growing up. Jason and I have already started researching preschools. Gasp! He amazes me every single day. I could sit and stare at him for hours. Watching him while he learns, plays, smiles, and even cries is the most amazing gift I have ever had bestowed upon me. I sometimes feel like I'm a broken record when I say this but I wake up (even in a morning sickness haze) and constantly tell myself how lucky I am to be walking down my stairs, through the hallway, and to the nursery where every morning I'm greeted with "Hi, mama! Car???" I have tears in my eyes as I type that knowing that in a few hours I will be hearing that exact line in the sweetest little voice you ever did hear.
With an upcoming 2nd birthday for Bean, I can't help but think of all the "family" members who have yet to see him. I thought I had been to the acceptance part of all of this but when it gets thrown in my face as if it's my fault I can't help but get upset. I have to remind myself though that if and only IF these people wanted anything to do with my son's life THEY would have made an effort. For it is them who are truly missing out of the magic that this little boy is. Sadly, I fear the same for Cinco. But, it is probably better off for both of them to never know what it feels like to have your heart broken by those in your family. If I can protect them from that and it hurts my heart along the way, then I will continue to do so to keep their hearts whole as long as I can. It's the least I can do as their mother.